Lets talk about neglect. I can’t help but feel responsible for how this thing [blog] has turned out; that is to say a sloppy, boring and grammatically disastrous reflection of how I perceive myself . And I understand. I wasn’t there for it, I didn’t give it the attention it deserved. We never tossed the ball around, I didn’t help teach it to drive, and I can’t remember the last time we sat down together and just talked. So when it grows up to be needy and materialistic and wants to sleep with anything that moves because it has “daddy issues”, I can’t pretend like I didn’t see it coming.

- Slash –

I’m sorry.

I’m sure all of you who care are probably rife with disappointment, but would it make a difference if I said I was trying to blog more? It probably would if it were true. My “trying” is actuated in 57 half-hearted, barely coherent snippets of blog posts, all of which suck. So there’s that. I figured however that I’d throw you a bone and give you a quick update, which has now turned into an annoyingly long intro.

N-e-WaYz

Here’s a list of shows that are blowing my brain-piece right now: Iron Chef (the dubbed Japanese version, of course)(Can we just agree that Iron Chef may be one of the greatest shows of all time; period; double-stamp; triple-stamp?)(Just sayin)(Also –  yes, you can triple-stamp a double-stamp)(So suck it, Jeff Daniels), HOARDERS, Psych, Antiques Road Show (Jackpot! Edition), and Burn Notice. Oh! Right now, on hoarders, this hoarding specialist came in to help some family in Hawaii and was like, “Oh I’M sorry, but where’s FEMA at, because this is a disaster area. I’m going to have to call CPS to take your children away. So . . . sorry, I guess?” And at first the parents were like “HA HA, oops!” Until they realized she was serious, and then it was DRAMZ FOR DAYS. Basically the Mom tried to kidnap her own kids and stealth away to Grandmas house until Dad became the biggest baby in the Pacific Rim and started bawling. So Mom is all “Ugh,” and decides to finally act like a full grown woman charged with raising 3 children and help clean the house, “I guess.” Now, if I’ve taken two things from this show it would be that:

1) It is hard to eat while watching Hoarders. Its seriously making me physically ill and have to take multiple time-outs to try and choke down these mashed potatoes. And they are delicious. Well, were delicious.

2) After watching the show, I feel like everything I own is “clutter” and that I’m secretly becoming a Hoarder. It’s one of those reality check moments where you begin to question everything about everything you know and think about yourself. And then spend the next 10 minutes talking yourself down from the mental “edge.” Just like a crazy person. 

But I digress.

As you know, I’ve recently returned from afar and am here to assure you that a post of my travels is in the making, it’s just taking me a while because it includes HAND DRAWN PICTURES!!!!!!!!1   I know right? It’s probably the most exciting thing going on in my life, next to the discovery of Netflix. Also, if anyone out there knew about Netflix and never told me, I have a question for you: How dare you. Aside from Baja Blast Mountain Dew, Netflix may just be the greatest thing to happen to me in the 21st century, and for you to sit there and not tell me about it? I say good day to you, sir. I said GOOD DAY!

I wish I could tell you how obsessed I am with Netflix, but I don’t have the time, mainly because I have to go watch Netflix now. Four seasons of 30 Rock aren’t going to watch themselves in a week, after all.

****BE A CRAB!!!! 3:15

And that’s how Cole . . . C’s it.