Welp, my Montana trip was a bust a success! As it turns out, I’m illiterate – which led to a costly little jaunt across two states and more than one near death experience. Originally I had planned to go see Kent up at MWSB and attend the Banff Film Festival in Great Falls; after [loosely] establishing plans via Facebook I set off for Big Sky country. On my way I called and left a message for Kent to let him know what time I would be in, not expecting a response back. So when, about 20 minutes into Montana, I get a message from him saying that the Film Festival wasn’t till next weekend and that he explicitly told me this in two Facebook messages, I pulled over to the side of the road for a good half hour, ate, stretched, called my dad and then turned right around and came back home. While seemingly uneventful and understandably frustrating, the trip was definitely neither of those things. Despite not actually getting to see my brother up at school, I feel the excursion was well worth my time, and it brought up a few topics I would like to touch on if I may. (And I may.)

–    One reason I enjoyed the trip so much is that I’m actually a bred-in-the-bone introvert. I absolutely covet my time alone.  I really enjoy being sociable most of the time but if I go long enough without some genuine Me time, I have a proclivity towards crankiness and verbal abuse, so, not good. It’s really about letting me unwind and allowing my thoughts to stretch; this generally involves me having conversations with myself, but like to an embarrassingly unnatural degree. Road trips alone allow the perfect time to do just that. And the obvious is that I get to sing in my patented nasally off-key pitch as loud and as frequent as I want. That’s just a few reasons why I prefer my road trips Han style: Solo.

–    I was passing through Tensend, Idaho on my way up and ran into this gem of a billboard:

I mean, what?!?  At first I didn’t know how to respond, this ad is both gruesome and impactful but it’s also slightly hilarious. It gets one on of those “HA HA…meth.” responses and then you nervously shift your eyes back-and-forth to see if anyone else is laughing too because you’re unsure if your being insensitive. Luckily though since no one was in the car I skipped the shifty-eyes and just posted it to Facebook. But seriously, anti-meth ads don’t eff around. They are pushing boundaries, hard. Frankly I don’t think there is a topic they won’t touch, they dig in deep to find the most provocative subjects and just go for it. I’d post some here but I think they might be just a little to edgy for this blog. I’ll leave it to you to find them.HOWEVER, I couldn’t resist posting this one because it is absolutely terrifying. So, enjoy?

 

I also went to the liberty of writing some of my own ads, and I’m thinking of sending them in, let me know what you think.

#1: “You wouldn’t normally stab a stranger in the neck with a shard of glass. But on meth you would.”

#2: “Do you often wallow in your own excrements and attempt to pick imaginary bugs out from under your skin? Cause meth heads do.”

You can literally say anything you want, as long as you make sure it sounds like if you do meth, you will commit one of these heinous acts.(For more: go here)http://www.cracked.com/article_15653_the-8-most-terrifying-anti-meth-ads-from-blog.html

–   Eesh, now that I’m thoroughly depressed from that meth post, I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to talk about. All I can think about is trying to pick invisible “meth mites” out from crawling under my skin…. OH! Right, got it. Well it just so happens that meth was a perfect lead-in for my next topic: Satsumas. If there is anything as addicting as meth in this world, its satsumas. Two things, A) I cannot say satsumas without saying in my head “TSAT!-suma,” or “I need a suma, STAT!” (and if you don’t get that joke then you’re probably not Toria Johnson) and 2) I love them. I love everything about them. I love to peel them, I love to eat them, I love how portable they are; so naturally I couldn’t keep my hands off them, even while driving to Montana. And let me tell you, trying to peel and eat a Satsuma while driving 80mph on a winding interstate is an adventure. I don’t want to say I was outside of the road lines, but I definitely was not in them. And as a very self-conscious driver, I hate swerving when other cars are around not necessarily out of concern for their safety, because I think they’re judging me on my driving skills and/or think I’m drunk. SO, when I was passed the silver Honda coupe ahead of me I looked over at him and held up my Satsuma to be like, “Hey, I’m not actually drunk; I’m just trying to peel and eat a tiny naval orange! HA HA!” Unfortunately it had little effect and I think he was just concentrated on staying alive and preparing for the advent of my swerving into his lane.

–   The Town of Wallace –  or Heaven on Earth as I like to call it – is an tiny old town in the Idaho panhandle known for its silver mining and brothels. Well, obviously the brothels no longer exist, but, you know, herstory. Nevertheless Wallace is beyond charming, set up in the forested hills of Northern Idaho with a historic downtown scene and a small population. I stopped on my way back to Pullman because I needed coffee and I was once told my great-grandmother was born in Wallace. It is full of old and rustic houses and shops and at least 34 museums. No one was really around and I grabbed a cappuccino in an antiques shop/old comic book shop/diner/cafe and I was the only person in there, which actually turned out to be a good thing. Otherwise I would not have met Angie, the lovely owner of the joint. She made me coffee and actually indulged me in conversation for a good half-hour in which she managed to give me an entire history of Wallace and a full recap of her latest shopping expedition with “the girls.” By all means it was actually very pleasant and I gave her a good rating on Urban Spoon, like a responsible 21st Century adult. Anyway, I’ll leave you to experience Wallace for yourself, or don’t. That way it will remain my own little empyrean.

 

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